my mouth tastes like poor choices
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
