Me. At least after what I've been through.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
