I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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