I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
