Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
