Swine flu. Run for my life!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
