I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize