One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i think i have herpe
just one?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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