Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
