So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
