You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize