I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
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