Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
