after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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