Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
