I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
