It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
