If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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