He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
