It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Where is the hickey?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm both gender and math confused
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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