I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
