I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
