quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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