so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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