i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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