i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
