I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
