someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i think i just lost a toe
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize