Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
