I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
