He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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