Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
50% drunk capacity currently
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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