Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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