the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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