we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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