i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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