can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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