i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
