I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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