sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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