She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
