come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just had sex bonerless
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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