the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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