I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
