69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
