Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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