as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
