Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
we're so committed to being not committed
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
