will power is for people who don't want to get laid
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
