Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
