Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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