after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
