So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
