is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
