How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
