i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
