you didnt know i had herpes?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I believe in your delicious
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
