I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
