Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Nicole vs. Life
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
