i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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