My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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