Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
