He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize