How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
