note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
