That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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