There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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