My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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