I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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