bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
