Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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