There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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