I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My dick has a subreddit
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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