They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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