whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
