If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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