I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
