I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
