John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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